Hey, Um Whaters! Remember around this time last year when this blog won the Blogger's Choice Award for Best Blog of All Time? (You: WTF? THAT NEVER HAPPENED.) Alright, maybe it didn't. But all that matters is that it totally could have! (You: OMG DELUSIONAL. DO YOU EVEN READ YOUR OWN BLOG?) Oh, come on! I mean what if...OKAY FINE. It'll never win for the best blog of all time. Ever. HAPPY NOW? But I don't even care because what it could win is WORST Blog of All Time which would be so many more kinds of awesome except that at this point I'd need at least 248 votes to win and that doesn't really make any sense because if my blog sucked that badly, why would 248 people know about it? Oh whatever. I am very bad at math. And logic. Apparently. Anyway, why I am even talking about this? Who cares?! I don't need a Blogger's Choice award because I have something way better. I have THIS:
That's right! Mr. Farty's Stinking Bugger Award!
Huh.
An award! From Mr. Farty! I mean it just makes me feel like...okay. Seriously, dude? I'm over here blogging my a$$ off when I actually remember to (SO??), and you can't award my Herculean efforts with something slightly more fancy?
Bugger Bling!
See? Now would this really have been so hard?
Bugger Bling!
See? Now would this really have been so hard?
And for those of you thinking I'm just inventing pointless excuses to use Photoshop, all I can say is well, obviously. But that doesn't change the fact that we ARE very fancy here around the Um...What?? headquarters. As a matter of fact we insist on it because even if times are tough and the world is kicking our a$$es, we know we've gotta fake it 'til we make it and not let the chips get us down and never forget for one moment that success is an attitude so we'd better make sure that no matter what, we never fail to dress for it:
This is totally for real. As if I could make up something this ridiculous.
(Image updated 4/7/09 to add even more realism in the form of further Bedazzling Maureen. Because she requested it –– "Why is your bling bigger than my bling? I have NO JEWELS!" –– and because NOT EVERYTHING HERE IS ALWAYS MY FAULT.)
For those of you who don't know exactly what the Stinking Bugger Award is, let me explain it to you this way: I don't either. But I've been doing a lot of research –– which, if you must know –– is the reason why it's taken me so long to get this post up. I'm not just going to slap together some useless menagerie of crap I totally made up (OH, OF COURSE I AM) because you people deserve better than that. (TOO BAD, I'M BUSY.)
ANYWAY, after finding nothing for "stinking bugger" on Wikipedia –– which made me really disoriented at the time because I thought you could find EVERYTHING on Wikipedia?? –– I decided to go to my local library to do some microfiche research because that's what I saw MacGyver do once which I am totally not making up except for the part about it being MacGyver because I think it actually might have been Angela Lansbury in Murder She Wrote but that is just like six of one/half dozen of another so what difference does it make? But then I was told my library doesn't even HAVE microfiche anymore (WTF?? GOOGLE IS TOTALLY KILLING THE MODERN LIBRARY), so I was forced to try to find information in their Encyclopedia Britannica collection and you can imagine how that went. (Dear Encyclopedia Britannica: Please make your books smell slightly less delicious because then maybe a girl could get some actual research done instead of just sitting around all day sniffing the bindings and getting slightly more than mildly high.) And then while deciding what to do next I got all sidetracked by accidentally having a personal identity crisis (oopsie!) which may or may not have been directly related to the previously-blogged-about Porcupine crisis. Suddenly, I found myself questioning pretty much everyone and everything in my life, and by pretty much I mean there wasn't much about it that was pretty at all. Just ask Chris, who had the misfortune of being the one in the closest physical proximity to me during most of it. It went kind of like the following. Only for a much longer, drawn out period of time. And involving much more of my own snot than is indicated here:
This series of pictures is totally like a bad high school drama club production where the actors are all looking at the audience and not each other while awkwardly delivering their lines. WHICH IS SO AWESOME.
Oh, but enough of all that. Besides, you can see how I got back on point there in the end, right?? Even a slight mental breakdown cannot waylay my never-ending quest for knowledge! And you'll be happy to know that when all was said and done, my extensive research yielded just the kind of results you'd expect from such a tireless and dedicated effort: None.
So, just like all of you, I'm still left here to wonder what exactly is a Stinking Bugger?? Is it a fart? Is it a person who's full of sh*t like a fart? Is it a person who's full of sh*t like a fart and then pollutes the interwebs with their gas-infested blogging efforts? OKAY. SERIOUSLY?? Why do I even care so much about the specifics? ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE SO EQUALLY MAJESTIC* that it doesn't even matter which one it is I've been awarded for because regardless, THIS BLOG CAN NOW OFFICIALLY BE DEEMED 100% SUCCESSFUL! Quick. Someone bend over and then set Um...What?? on fire!!
*Someone has been studying her thesaurus on the off-chance she might be using the word AWESOME too much.
Although on a final note, the picture on the Stinking Bugger Award that looks like some kind of an alien does sort of throw me off, because I really don't know what THAT has to do with anything. To be perfectly honest.
ANYWAY, after finding nothing for "stinking bugger" on Wikipedia –– which made me really disoriented at the time because I thought you could find EVERYTHING on Wikipedia?? –– I decided to go to my local library to do some microfiche research because that's what I saw MacGyver do once which I am totally not making up except for the part about it being MacGyver because I think it actually might have been Angela Lansbury in Murder She Wrote but that is just like six of one/half dozen of another so what difference does it make? But then I was told my library doesn't even HAVE microfiche anymore (WTF?? GOOGLE IS TOTALLY KILLING THE MODERN LIBRARY), so I was forced to try to find information in their Encyclopedia Britannica collection and you can imagine how that went. (Dear Encyclopedia Britannica: Please make your books smell slightly less delicious because then maybe a girl could get some actual research done instead of just sitting around all day sniffing the bindings and getting slightly more than mildly high.) And then while deciding what to do next I got all sidetracked by accidentally having a personal identity crisis (oopsie!) which may or may not have been directly related to the previously-blogged-about Porcupine crisis. Suddenly, I found myself questioning pretty much everyone and everything in my life, and by pretty much I mean there wasn't much about it that was pretty at all. Just ask Chris, who had the misfortune of being the one in the closest physical proximity to me during most of it. It went kind of like the following. Only for a much longer, drawn out period of time. And involving much more of my own snot than is indicated here:
This series of pictures is totally like a bad high school drama club production where the actors are all looking at the audience and not each other while awkwardly delivering their lines. WHICH IS SO AWESOME.
So, just like all of you, I'm still left here to wonder what exactly is a Stinking Bugger?? Is it a fart? Is it a person who's full of sh*t like a fart? Is it a person who's full of sh*t like a fart and then pollutes the interwebs with their gas-infested blogging efforts? OKAY. SERIOUSLY?? Why do I even care so much about the specifics? ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE SO EQUALLY MAJESTIC* that it doesn't even matter which one it is I've been awarded for because regardless, THIS BLOG CAN NOW OFFICIALLY BE DEEMED 100% SUCCESSFUL! Quick. Someone bend over and then set Um...What?? on fire!!
*Someone has been studying her thesaurus on the off-chance she might be using the word AWESOME too much.
Although on a final note, the picture on the Stinking Bugger Award that looks like some kind of an alien does sort of throw me off, because I really don't know what THAT has to do with anything. To be perfectly honest.
Oh.
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P.S. Click here to visit Mr. Farty's blog, "Better Oot Than In" –– home of the Stinking Bugger!
