Get your "Um...What??" merchandise here!
Updated 3/30/09 due to overwhelming reader demand for new Um...What?? merchandise. HAHA! There's no overwhelming demand around here unless it's the overwhelming demand to shut down this entire blog. (You: OMG that would be SO AWESOME.)
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The other day, this blog's favorite Chris and I had the following exchange:
Chris: I just bought tickets to your stand up act. (In response to something I said which I don't exactly remember but was obviously very, very funny because hello? Have you READ this blog? Oh, never mind.)
Lesley: Nice! You can get in without a cover charge. And
get two free drinks. But you've gotta agree to buy a t-shirt. And wear it.
Free advertising for me!
Chris (after only a split second of thinking): On the front of the shirt? "Um...What??" On the back? "...the f*ck are you looking at??"
And just like that? The "Um...What??" online store was born –– allowing you to get your "Um...What??" on...literally!:
Did I mention my friend Chris is a Creative Director? And that this job involves being creative? While directing? Yeah, I don't know either. But I DO know he would look totally hot in this t-shirt. Because "Um...What??" makes everyone sexier!!
And then I got to thinking about how an online store really wouldn't be much of an online store if it only sold one shirt because then everybody would be walking around wearing the same thing and that is just ridiculous. And also what people do in prison. And despite the fact I've been told reading this blog is pretty much equal to the torture of being locked up against your will –– nice one, MOM –– I'm fairly sure I should offer more than just one shirt. So here are a few more ideas I developed:
Note: The above pee design is also available as a baby onesie in either pink or blue or the classic, "Um...What??" red:
Because I am blogging for the mommies. Which totally makes me a mommy blogger now, right?? Because you are no one in the world of blogging until you have pushed something way too big out of your Mother Nature. Or advertised your blog on a onesie. Evidently.
Honestly, I'm not really sure if using Jenny's logo without asking her first is some kind copyright infringement or something since I am not a lawyer. Because I am very, very busy blogging and don't have time to go to law school. Currently. And YES: I call The Bloggess "Jenny" because we're on a first name basis since I totally don't know her at all. But since I'm using her logo to make the point that her blog is way better than my blog, I figure she'll probably be cool with it. (As if we actually needed a t-shirt to point out whose blog is better. FOOLISH.)
Also? Notice how Jenny actually HAS a logo, while the "Um...What??" logo is more or less the no-logo logo? I seriously need to hire a design firm or something to kick things up a notch around here, where hiring a design firm equals Chris getting off his lazy a$$ and designing me a new logo. FOR FREE. Hello??
And speaking of Chris? Finally, we also have this shirt available, sure to be very popular and quite highly in demand. Get yours now before his mom snatches them all up:
Well? WE ARE.
Of course this particular shirt will arrive autographed by Chris (I KNOW!) and therefore has a price tag of $899.99 (subject to become even more expensive without notice). This is due to a condition known as Chris is very, very popular, or price gouging.
NEW ITEM JUST ADDED 3/30/09!!:
The Um...What?? hoodie! Perfect for remaining incognito when lurking around on this blog! Featuring a whimsical design incorporating –– who else?? –– this blog's favorite lurker, The Unabomber MC! He secretly loves this blog but would download porn to his laptop in the lobby of the Vatican before ever admitting such a thing. Wait. Does the Vatican even HAVE a lobby? Oh, I don't know. I'm not the Pope. Currently.
So, loyal readers, want to score yourselves one or more of these original "Um...What??" t-shirts or hoodies? Oh, of course not! NO ONE DOES. Which works out fairly nicely, considering the fact I don't actually have any t-shirts for sale. I mean, honestly. What do I look like? A t-shirt manufacturer? With a budget for manufacturing t-shirts? Well, all I can say is we can just hope that maybe someday, when this blog starts turning a gigantic profit starts making a few bucks here and there starts breaking even stops bleeding me dry...OH GOOD GOD, THERE ARE NEVER GOING TO BE ANY T-SHIRTS FOR SALE HERE. Obviously.
All is not lost though. Because where we may be lacking in the t-shirt department, we'll easily make up for with this:
NO, THERE WILL NOT BE ANY CAPS COMING SOON. I don't really have to explain this, right??
And you all know what this means, don't you?:
Okay –– this is getting ridiculous! All joking aside, at least we WILL have these available for ordering very soon:
No. We. Won't.