Hey, Um What-ers! Are you all familiar with our House Minority Leader?:
No. Seriously. It's pronounced "Bayner."
And his first name is pronounced "Steve."
Mr. Boehner (pronounced "Stuffed Shirt With A Head") (Boner? Head? That's right.) was there to discuss President Obama's stimulus package. (Boner? Discussing Obama's package? OH LIKE I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO THOUGHT OF THIS.) And by discuss I mean he was there to say, "This package is no good" and "this is never, ever going to work at all" and "we should keep doing it the way we've always done it because that's the way we've always done it." The implication being –– obviously –– that the way we're doing it is working. Because although Mr. Boehner (pronounced "wah wah wah") is a United States Congressman, he actually doesn't LIVE in the United States. Or so it seems.)
Boehner: It's pronounced BONER.
Remember? Mike Seaver's friend? From Growing Pains?
Oh. I guess there was only one previously famous Boner? That seems like a waste. Might have to start calling Chris "Boner" in an attempt to remedy this.
Of course Mr. Boehner (pronounced "Boner-I-don't-even-know-her!") doesn't seem to like any of these things. He says the stimulus plan is too far reaching and will take way too long to implement. I don't pretend to understand any of this (HAHA! Of course I do! See previous paragraph), but I do know that yes –– chances are it's going to take a long, long, long time to do anything if all people do is sit around arguing every single fine point.
So, I say let's stop looking backward and, instead, let's try looking forward with some vision, shall we Mr. Boney McBonerpants Boehner? And then maybe your NEXT appearance on Meet The Press won't cause viewers everywhere to drop dead and die. Since dropping dead usually causes death. AND DON'T EXPECT ME TO EXPLAIN THIS TOO AS I AM NOT A DOCTOR THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
And in conclusion? This:
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P.S.S. This isn't the real post previously scheduled for today, by the way. That one is about the space program and should be released very shortly. Or tomorrow. Or next week. Because, you know, again, WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME???
P.S.S.S. to MC:
M.C. (after I mentioned this post): That reminds me: What is a minority whip?
Me (thinking): WTF does that have to do with anything I just said? Doesn't anyone ever listen to me? And what do I look like? Wikipedia?
A minority whip is the second-ranking highest person in the minority party, whose main job is to ensure control of the formal decision-making process in a parliamentary legislature. Blah blah blah, boring. Whips are party enforcers who typically offer both inducements (like inducing labor?) (I have no idea) and punishments to party members. In modern times, most whips are concerned primarily with ensuring a desired attendance for an important vote. All of which would be made slightly more interesting by introducing the use of actual whips into the process. Or guns. I'm guessing.