6/9: I've decided to close the comments on this post. Who knew a post on giving to charity would end up being so controversial? I blame me for "writing" something that was totally devoid of any actual service-oriented information due to my desire to save room for other things like pyramids made out of cows. But since the people at Send A Cow know about this post, I want them to be happy it's up and not look for rocks to throw at my head. HAHA! The people at Send A Cow would NEVER throw rocks at people's heads. Obviously. They'd throw cow pies. They have read this post though, and are no doubt monitoring it closely all day every day. Never mind their actual charity work. So, you know, if you're waiting for a cow right now and it's totally late? I apologize.
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So the other morning I got this Twitter DM from Ryan where he was all, "Hey! Send a cow!" To which I was all, "WTF do you need a cow for? And do you even know how much the shipping charges are going to run me for something like that? We don't even live in the same country." Then I had to spend all this time trying to find a damn cow, which I thought would be totally easy except for did you know that Petsmart doesn't even carry cows?? Way to go, Petnotsmart. THEN I had to spend even more time figuring out how to wrap up the cow ("Large" box? I don't think so FedEx), only to get an e-mail from Ryan later on that said the cow wasn't for him it was for charity and you don't really send the cow, you send the money for the cow and HAHA! I TOTALLY KNEW THAT, WHAT AM I AN IDIOT??! And then I was stuck with this cow that was probably going to end up living in my bathtub or something until I suddenly remembered that Maureen has a very nice yard and she also loves milk and so I generously gave her the cow because I am the best friend ever:
Thanks a lot, RYAN.
ANYWAY. On to my main point here, which is all about...hang on, it'll come to me...something about...OH! Right! Charity. Specifically, the UK-based charity, Send a Cow. (The UK? Do I have some large Ukrainian readership I'm not aware of?) Ryan asked me to write up a little piece on them to hopefully increase awareness of their cause (Uh, do I have some large anything readership I'm not aware of??) and bring in some much-needed donation money. Because, apparently, nothing brings in much-needed donation money like the use of excessive, nonsensical Photoshopping which I will deftly demonstrate here:
Maybe these two pics just brought in tons of pounds for Send A Cow??!!
Because, by the way, they use "pounds" not dollars in the UK (WHEREVER), and I'm figuring tons of pounds is a lot of money but I don't really know for sure on account of I am not a human currency converter. And, to be honest, I'm not even that familiar with my own American dollar due to the fact I DON'T HAVE ANY OF MY OWN AMERICAN DOLLARS. Usually.
For those of you who don't know anything about Send A Cow you're in luck because neither do I, I'm the world's foremost leading expert on the subject! This is due to a little something called I Have An Advanced Degree, which in some circles is also known as Feeling Lucky On Google.
In a nutshell, Send a Cow's mission is to enable disadvantaged families in rural Africa to have access to food and a secure livelihood by developing sustainable farming systems that integrate both crops and livestock. A donation to Send A Cow results in some of the poorest families in nine African countries receiving training in sustainable farming as well as life-saving resources like livestock, seeds and trees. Wow! This sounds like an excellent idea, right? And I'm sure it is, but to be honest I don't even cook, so the idea of also having to GROW my own food seems practically overwhelming so maybe we should just send microwaves and a bunch of Lean Cuisines? Oh, I don't know.
Anyway. Integral to Send a Cow's success is their "pass-on" system, wherein each recipient of a cow pledges to pass on their first female calf to another needy family, and then that family does the same thing and so on and so forth and etc. and COWS ARE FUN!!! Not only does this system help to expand the number of families that benefit from your donations to Send A Cow's programs, it's also pretty much exactly like that commercial that's all, "Then you tell two friends and then they each tell two friends and so on and so on" only it's with cows. Which means, if I'm understanding correctly, that if you send a cow to someone, and then HE sends a cow to someone and so on and so forth, one day TA DA!: 497 cows show up at your door!!
WHO WOULDN'T WANT IN ON THE GROUND FLOOR OF THIS ACTION??
(To be honest, I'm not completely certain this is how it works, but common sense would dictate that I'm right.)
SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Send a cow, people!!! It's good for impoverished families in Africa, it's good for the earth, it's good for your soul and it's good for the animals. And you know how I feel about the animals. So please –– do it for the cows! Because cows need good homes and love, too. Okay, people are hungry and need food. That's totally important, I know. But mostly? COWS NEED GOOD HOMES AND LOVE. I cannot stress this enough. Donate now! Send a cow to a good home, filled with love.
Click to donate!
Donations are just in pounds though. Which I don't know anything at all about. So, beyond this post you're totally on your own. Just so we're all clear on that. Because I cannot do everything for you. SHEESH.
P.S.S. Yesterday Chris was all, "Uh, your blog? What's up?" and then I told him I was about to post something kind of about cows and I also told him it was going to be totally awesome because sometimes I lie to Chris SO WHAT and then he was all, "OMG I HOPE THERE ARE OTHER ANIMALS IN IT TOO I AM SOOOOOO RIVETED!!" and he didn't even TRY to hide his sarcasm (RUDE), so I think it's totally obvious who's getting the next cow: