Updated 3/25 to add: Apparently, besides being the Charles Schulz of Bloggers, I'm also just like David Lynch. Or so says XUP. Which, not that I need to point it out, IS AWESOME. But it does remind me to mention that you should skip this post entirely. DO NOT BOTHER. It's one of those Porcupine-themed posts that goes on and on while saying pretty much nothing and hey –– what do you know?! That is just like every single other post I've ever written! Because –– in cases like this anyway –– when I "write" (HAHA!) about The Porcupine I never actually "write" about The Porcupine due to a little thing I like to call The Porcupine is very, very private or YOU DO NOT EVEN WANT TO KNOW IT IS SO BORING. Trust me.
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Welcome back, Um Whaters! Remember how I wrote in my last post that this blog smells like a massive fart? (You: We don't need reminding WE'RE SMELLIN' IT RIGHT NOW.) Well, that got me to thinking about other things that totally stink around here (NO, NOT CHRIS but, you know, good one!), which caused me to accidentally* Photoshop the following pictures in the form of a short, graphic tale depicting how the last two weeks have stunk like a massive fart! OH, WHO AM I KIDDING? If only they smelled half that good.
*I swear I don't know how these things happen. But there's no way any of it's my fault. Obviously. And the fact that I would MARRY PHOTOSHOP if someone would let me has absolutely nothing to do with anything I'm talking about here.
Anyway. On with the pictures. Because yes you have to look at them, so STOP WHINING ABOUT IT. And don't worry –– the story has a happy ending (YOU: OMG. ZZZZ.):
My Ongoing Adventures In Porcupining –– The First Of Many Installments!!
(Unless this is the only installment I do.)
(Which is highly likely on account of most of the time I can't remember I even have a blog, let alone that I'm supposed to follow up on something for it.)
(Unless this is the only installment I do.)
(Which is highly likely on account of most of the time I can't remember I even have a blog, let alone that I'm supposed to follow up on something for it.)
Curin' what ails me.
Havin' my back.
I honestly have no idea how this helps me at all.
I totally love these people. I hope all of you people have people like this.
And by the way: To clarify, this is all symbolic of the latest in my situation with The Porcupine. It's the situation that's been kicking my a$$ –– not the actual Porcupine himself! Because The Porcupine is the singular best person I know (which is saying a lot when you consider these three people here), and he would spend all day flogging himself in order to spare others pain and that is a huge part of why we're in this situation and blah blah blah never mind the details, just know that none of this is literal, and by none of this is literal I mean can anyone loan me a medically-induced coma?
But don't worry everyone! (You: WE'RE. NOT.) No matter what gets thrown at The Porcupine and me, we always manage to find our way through it. Because we go together. Like Mo and martinis. Like peanut butter and jelly. Like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga dong. Oh yeah: And like hugging and bodily injury:
But don't worry everyone! (You: WE'RE. NOT.) No matter what gets thrown at The Porcupine and me, we always manage to find our way through it. Because we go together. Like Mo and martinis. Like peanut butter and jelly. Like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga dong. Oh yeah: And like hugging and bodily injury:
And by the way part two: Am I the only one who noticed that this post is totally like Um...What: The Comic Strip?? I KNOW!! Sure to be syndicated any day now in ZERO newspapers and on even fewer websites everywhere.
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P.S. Updated a few hours later to add: The Porcupine has lipstick on because I just KISSED HIM and not because he's into that kind of thing as far as you know. HAHA! Not really! The lipstick is there to symbolize how even when it all sucks butt there is still love and la la la come over here and doo doo doo lemme kiss you and if this update was any more tragically romantic it would totally have to come with a barf bucket. Which, to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't really know how to pull off unless these things have already become a reality. (Wait. Have they? Anyone? Scientist Laurie?) OH I DON'T KNOW. As usual.
