My friend MC recently asked me if I actually did draw that porcupine up in my banner. I love this question because it so perfectly symbolizes all the years of our friendship: I am a talentless hack-slash-borderline idiot, and he just refuses to think I'm anything less than wonderful and accomplished, despite all ongoing evidence to the contrary. And it's not that he disregards the evidence. It's that he really doesn't see it. Because he's my friend. And automatically assumes the best of me. And I really do hope all of you out there are lucky enough to have a person like this in your lives. You know, one who has suffered an undiagnosed head injury.
Because seriously? I can draw a grand total of one thing. Which I have been practicing for at least 30 years now. And happens to look like this:
And before you make fun of me (which, to be honest, is rude), please note I drew this with my mouse. And my right hand. (I'm left-handed.) You can rest assured that if I actually drew this on a piece of paper with a pencil and my proper hand, it would look exactly as bad.
Anyway, our conversation about the porcupine drawing took place on the phone and went a little something like this:
MC: (Blah, blah, blah bunch of stuff I don't really remember that clearly, probably about how I am beautiful and intelligent and complete him and give his life meaning and yadda yadda you get the idea...) So that Porcupine IS pretty good. Did you draw him yourself?
Me: What? Are you new?
MC: Oh. Hold on. So you did?
Me: Of course I did. (Oh my good god. Cannot even draw Tic Tac Toe board. Can only "draw" Elephant: Butt View and that doesn't even count because I've practiced it 905,413 times so it's not even like drawing and is instead more like tracing from my brain. So I can only brain-trace it.)
MC: I have to say though – that circle that's under him?
Me: The spotlight thing?
MC: Oh. Spotlight. Okay. With the expression on his face and everything? I was thinking it looks like he just peed himself. And that circle is pee.
MC: You know like, "Oops! I just peed. How'd that happen?!"
MC: You know, with the face? 'Cause his face looks all startled and confused? Which is how you'd look if you suddenly peed on yourself?
MC: And then were standing in your own pee?
MC: Did I tell you how beautiful you look today?
* * * * * * * * * *
You can't see me now, but I'm totally peeing. And I'm nowhere near a toilet.